13 April, 2016

Living in this new life...

So much has changed in my little corner of the world. Really, it feels like I am living a while new life. There have definitely been some amazing things. There have been some terrible changes, too. My mother passed away horribly in November of 2014. We weren't the average mother-daughter unit but she was the only mom I had so it was still awful. 

Earlier in 2014 my husband and I made the difficult decision to move in with my quadruplegic mother-in-law to take care of her full time. It also meant we lost all sense of privacy and security as it is also necessary to have home health workers in our home up to eleven and a half hours a day, every day. It's not easy to deal with that kind of stress but we manage as best we can. 

Now for the really big changes. 

In January of 2015 my husband and I found out we were pregnant. That's right, thirteen and a half years into our life together, seven and a half years into a marriage, not to mention being 36 years old and living in our new life; part fish bowl part microscope, a baby was the last thing we planned or expected. Funny story, I was on the pill when the first pregnancy announced itself too!  One wouldn't expect that to happen a second time. What we also found out was that our son was the product of my husband trying to make a really crappy birthday better. What that also meant was that it was before spending a month at the hospital watching my mother die slowly, a piece at a time. It meant we were almost three months along when we found out. Furthermore it meant that there were a lot of decisions to be made about how we were going to handle the day to day. 

My husband tried to be a super hero and do everything for me. I mean everything, even constantly helping me up or tucking me into bed. He wanted to make sure that my experience being pregnant was as different as possible from my first one. He was amazing. He went to almost every appointment with me, took pictures so he could remember my belly. He would spend time cuddling with my belly so he could feel close to the baby. He was amazing. He did everything he ould do, een when he barely had time while taking care of his mom. In the hospital he was my shield, keeping people away from me and making me feel safe, my anxiety got so bad when I was pregnant. 

In the end I lived through it, and I wasn't alone for once!  My first pregnancy was a small nightmare that my husband always wished he could do something about. Let me tell you, he certainly made up for another's mistakes. That is why he is my best friend. 

So, we welcomed our son in July of 2015, making the age difference between him and our daughter the same as myself and my youngest brother; something I said I'd never do...but what did I know. 

The final change that sealed that whole 'different life' theory:  I am now a stay at home mom. I have worked almost non stop since turning 16, and 20 years later I spend my days entertaining an infant because we realised my poor husband could not balance all of his responsibilities to his mother while trying to care for an infant with needs and schedules. His mother sadly made that impossible for him, but she is a story for another day. 

Regardless, as crazy as the last few years have been crazy and amazing and as much as was never in the plan, we love our little monkey man, Strummer more than we ever thought possible. I had given up my dream of having another child ages ago for multiple reasons, but the universe clearly had other ideas.