Learns to Love a Silence
Just doesn't get it, or can't, won't, wanting
But not wanting, its safer, but always empty.
Not empty enough it seems, as you are here.
I'm not in here though. Fell asleep long ago.
It's what I tell myself to make the days go by.
If not dead then too awake, too much to feel.
Want it but cannot allow, for their sakes, all or
Mine? What's mine in these twining strands?
It is not for me to have, to want, nothing of it.
Nothing of them exists when all's not in view.
It becomes illusion, illusory and aye, I know it.
I know it is the demon inside to block a sun.
There are all those devils in the ether too, still.
Thoughts become of flesh and blood simply,
Not enough fight left inside to fight them out.
Empty threats of myself to self, another devil
Yet another forked tongue; the sharpest one.
It shouldn't have to hurt so much to feel this.
Divining my own bones, waiting to see that
Which stays within this circle, and what falls.
Steel of skin and the softer flesh beneath me,
It is compressed, a singularity, starved of air.
And of what tender lies beyond these faces?
Wishes for the stone; doesn't believe it's real.
If not a farce, you'd not be sentenced to this.
None before, please for none hereafter, a plea
Or promise, I mean to mean, so can't be sure.
One high, three low; I cannot see you or raise.
The lottery, always rigged before, always was,
Frame different? No; and show me your work.
But, I keep tapping, tries to wrap my thought.
It is to my maddening futility I mean to swing.
Look here my dear, it will brew all my deaths.
It could spell a miracle of a melancholy limbo.
I still know though, this delicate plane I tread.
It could be worth my love of silence; shadow.
There is no safety in numbers when it's in me.
My tears could attest my own starving relief.
I have to choose between its truth, or my lies.
What is it, to let the silence bring me solace?
Another face, another skin to keep me whole.