The windows aren't closed but its murky here.
They were shut earlier, but wasn't peaceable.
It's the buzzing in hallways that is at impasse
And no matter how I shake the bubble; won't.
Can't. It can't. I can't. Severs all the nerves.
Staring from the window into the hollow deep.
Transfixed by darkness there, its consumption
Of all faulty matters of my circumstance; free.
Lie still; breathe shallow, it keeps spinning off
In search but never catching of the scent of it.
Dead weight, barely animated body, nor mind
If keenly clutched within blanketed oblivions.
It is free-fall; and the fall is how to climb back.
If not the bottom, how can you see a horizon?
It is listlessness, leads not into lead but follow
Until the last to first must strangle idle hands.
The windows are still open, I cannot breach
But I cannot shut, cannot touch the pains yet
But I'm trying, can't your see me, hear, please
I can't get out; have to keep diving, gasping...
But if I could find it, dawn, please something,
Anything to spare, sometimes its just a rope.
Or let me sleep, don't make it dream, I can't,
I mustn't or I would miss the exit stage right.
It is the weight, and waiting indecisions, too.
In fields of land mines and l desire survival,
It keeps me locked and loaded, runs in place.
It still moves, even when spinning backwards.
Without a backslide I cannot see what I've hit.
Not to see its girth, how then circumnavigate?
Not to see its girth, how then circumnavigate?
How these tremours want to extinguish light.
Crossed signals, lost in translation of the soul.
If I'm to gather mine and stand, to fight for all,
I must first learn of my surrender unto a void.
Let the nerves writhe if turned inward, burns.
Stop me when I can feel you twist the knife.
Crawling back from the centre to the window.
Tumbling headlong from space, in heat, light.
Slowly, steadfast wins these second chances.
Know where I am, where I was, but is awake.
-phoenix
10.29.2014
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