A monument for fools.

A monument for fools.

What have I stumbled upon, here in the darkness?
As I am nearing the end of this lingering journey
I am narrowly torn between this drawing exhaustion,
And my terrifying infant fascination for all of these...
Those which could and would, were I to but surrender.
There lies that constant boiling current; just below me.
But for a promise, these gates could be poured over.
These breakers could have been left to fall where they might.
What churning ambivalence has so sought to openly steal;
Might also be willingly parted, were questions e'er refrained.
I hear it; hear them; hear you all, if only once weren't enough.
To love and despise; to overjoy and devastate; rage, revere...
The cost, far higher than hundred lives could afford me.
Yet, idle hands continue feeble heart's attempts to pay.
Fools who learn not, continue suffering first person fools.
Perhaps worse still; to suffer to them, for them willingly.
I do not want this, yet I crave its merciless interruption.
I want to hold, to clutch it, even while I must be held at bay.
I would risk its lingered poison, even while it breathes my life.
It bleeds lunacy and I drink, knowing that it tames the tides.
Dangling pearls of salvation steeped in blood and tears.
Fleeting fancies assumed and become the poisons I'm to be.
Temporary appointments; then so eager and easily replaced.
Onward wheel of destiny and dissension, or alone I shall
Surrender to the gears for which I spend my meager steam.
I know a purpose lives beyond these stacking walls, even whilst
The losing battles are the cornerstones I'm meant to reap.

-phoenix
9.8.2014