The Last Few Steps

The last few steps

I need to lash out but it just makes me one of them. 
I can feel the live wire that is my livid consciousness. 
There are no corners in this place, only empty space. 
I'm not going to make it. Each year that passes I can
Feel this dark stranger just behind me, just out of sight
And I already know what she wants, what she means,
And what she will have of me before the night crests. 
It becomes harder to deny her access when I am tired. 
I am not built for this, I am not meant for any of them. 
Dependence only carries me so far, and so far lacking. 
All I try to hold will turn to ash, blown away on dreams. 
I know it will not make me whole, but it will make sense. 
There are none who need this vagrant to maintain ease.
There are none who care to carry on in this ruse with me. 
I am a fraudulent host if I am anything, and I am so weak. 
They send the meek to inherit, but the trust is all but farce. 
When there is darkness there are no apologies for need.
When there is silence then I may finally have my peace. 
I could carry this charade forever or can take my leave. 
My absence will only prove they were no better off with. 
I do not need to be right, but I do so need them to hear.  
I have nothing left to offer, every whim becomes so tiring. 
My ship will sail without me if I do not return the anchor. 
I've spilt more tears than blood, but my patterns reverse. 
There is no fear, only exhaustion, one more bodily curse. 
First of many put to rights when this is all done and gone. 
Take me to what registrar so that I may settle my account. 
What I cannot pay by choice he will just take away anyway. 
I will be content to be the dust on the road, and fish on rod.
I will be the soil for the flower, and too a whisper in the wind, 
I will be all the things that were barred from me at birth too. 
I shall walk hand in hand with my own eternity all on my own. 

-phoenix
9.28.2014