Rather

Rather

Rather I to choke than to speak aloud. 
Rather have my skin to be deaf than this. 
Biochemical screaming to the Nth and
All for a tower, be there none to speak. 
Judgment fails me if I'm failed by you. 
Any, any, any of you I've dared to see. 
I'm gone, I'm done in, I give up; tired. 
Can't seem to speak the right language. 
There're too many lines to read between. 
Too much subtext to be sorted so we
Too were never even on the same page. 
I speak to depth of feel, unconditional,
And I'm left to wonder what you heard. 
Creature comforts were my pall to bear,
But never have I been so tortured by
The lack of understanding they all gave. 
Rather, its time to shut them off for good. 
Rather to continue alone, and in silence,
No hollow pleasantries, no guilts and, 
No misconception of the message I had. 
I know they just want me to swallow fault
And to follow suit, and to be the terrorist. 
Fine, but don't pretend I hit your radar. 
Rather suffer at my own hands, far less
Spite and cruelty there, surprising I know. 
I've spent too much of myself to care so. 
Rather I to sit here on the outside muffled
Than idly there while stakes are claimed. 

-phoenix
9.21.2014