Formless...Pointless...

Formless...Pointless...

I could have cried myself to sleep yet been awake...
The pain became so sharp...so much more than
any other day of recent years.
I thought to reach out to someone so I could
excuse my self from frustrating emotion, only
to realise that no one stood at the ready for me
and I wondered where such a foolish
notion came from in the first place.

[There is no one with which to share these painful pitfalls.]

Not so long ago I thought I’d locked the door
into this place inside my head and thrown the key
as far away as I could muster. Though not so far enough I think,
for here I am again wondering how treacherous it will get
before I shall once again begin to rise.

[Should IF stand at the ready then, I wonder?]

I cannot share these fears, these pains
these sinkholes that open up inside my chest.
Regardless of no one to catch the flying debris...
how fair would it be to lay these on
some other set of shoulders at all?

[I can’t afford it, I mustn’t!!!]

I’m not sure that I’d really even know how
any longer, if honesty be known in this.
I cried out to one person, though...
soon as he heeded my call I realised
it would have been mistakenly laid.

[So...I bade him farewell and disconnected...]

Silly me for thinking I was immune to this
after all these years, though, no one can blame me
though no one can be to blame for this but me.
Rather than playing with fire, I sat playing
with my fickle sanities...

[I’ve sealed it all up, save for discerning lyric...]

---phoenix
5/31/2008

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